“SEW FASTER, YOU IDIOTS!”

I’m not a diehard fan of “Project Runway,” but I don’t mind watching the show if nothing else catches my interest. I caught an episode of the show a few months ago when I was at my sister’s house and found myself thinking, “That’s all you accomplished in five hours on a bra?” ON A BRA. FIVE HOURS. What the poop were the contestants doing for five hours on a basic bra template? How long does it take to sew a few pieces of lace and fabric together on a bra?

On a good day, I could probably whip up a cute little elastic waistband skirt from fabric in less than hour. Half hour if everything is running smoothly. Even though I have no experience whatsoever on designing a sexy bra, I’m confident I could throw some pretty material together to create a matching bra and underwear set in five hours. The design might not be sexy, and the stitching might not look super professional, but the project would be complete.

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I honestly have nothing against the show because I admire the contestants’ creativity and visions. I would draw a complete blank if I had to create a ballroom gown out of candy or candy wrappers. Create something cute and fun for a dog? Could I just play and snuggle with the dog instead? What in the world could I create with a black garbage bag? A poofy skirt? I honestly lack creativity and vision — I’m not a visionary. I’m a good copycat with a few touches of my own.

On the other hand, I understand how time flies when seriously working on a sewing project. In theory, a quillow shouldn’t need a ton of time to complete, but on some days, I feel like I didn’t make a huge dent in my quillow project pile. At the end of some days I think, “What have I been doing for five hours?” “What did I accomplish?” How long does it take to sew two rectangles pieces together? I know a quillow is a little more than that, but not by much.

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Granted, the quilty part takes a little bit of time to sew together, but the backing with the pocket shouldn’t take too much time. With the two main pieces complete, sewing them together usually takes me about an hour or less. Once I really stop to think about the entire process, I really do need about a day or two to complete a quillow. That’s why I like to have the TV on when I’m working on projects, the shows give me a rough timeframe on how long I’ve been working on a quillow or a certain part.

Time really can get away from me when I’m focused on sewing. So, I kind of understand why a Project Runway contestant needs at least five hours to create a beautiful ball gown or any other article of clothing besides a matching bra and underwear set. And I am keeping in the mind the show’s editing process for dramatic effect. So, next time I watch the show and want to mentally shout, “Sew faster, you idiots,” I’ll bite my tongue because the sewing machine can only go so fast.

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